Contentment in the Unrest

It has been almost a year since my last blog post. When I last shared, we had just left California and we were prepping for our next move. I was optimistic and looking forward to the new opportunities we would have as we settled into our new duty station, our new home for the next three years.

Then, we got here. And while I had mentally prepped myself to not expect the easy transition that our move to California had provided, I was not expecting the windfall that this move would bring. It was hard. Not a “this grocery store is a completely different layout” kind of hard, but an “I cannot find my footing, I feel completely alone” hard. I was not in a good place and I thought I needed to wait until things got better before I started writing again.

But I began to think about why I wanted to start this blog. I wanted to share my life, as a mom and as a military wife, with people. I wanted to be real and transparent. So why was I so afraid to share the raw, ugly side of this lifestyle? If I truly want people to see what a military family looks like then I need to share it all, even the messy stuff.

I was spoiled with my first big military move. I know that God made that happen to help build my confidence. It gave me the assurance that I could hack this military spouse gig. I prayed hard and often as we prepared for our next home-away-from-home. I can remember praying for his peace and strength as I readied myself for each new obstacle this move could bring.

When we got here I had a plan, I would follow the same steps I took in California. After all, it worked so well the first time. But with each step I took, came another disappointment. I got more and more discouraged with each failed attempt to recreate what I had done before. But then I realized, that was my first mistake. This wasn’t “before.” This was a new place, a new set of circumstances. I needed to do what I did first and foremost the last time. I needed to step back so that God could step up. Once I let go, things started to feel like they were slowly starting to come together. Then life slammed on the brakes… 

Enter Covid-19. Just as quickly as my life started to bloom here, the world shut down.

The isolation of “staying home” reminded me even more, of just how little I had to race back to once things began to open again. It hit hard to realize that shutting down the world did very little to change mine. But then something happened. My husband was home more due to new safety measures on his ship. My kids got to play with their dad regularly. We spent more time together as a family. My outside life had been forced to stop. But my household began to thrive even more.

Just as firmly as I believe that God paved the way for everything I received in California, I now believe that the timing of this virus was meant for me to stop focusing on what I felt like I was missing or needed. I was forced to focus solely on what I already had. I had been so concerned with my lack of social connections that I stopped working on my family and marital connections. 

I am just as ready as the next person for life to start up again. But now when it does, I am not worried about making my “perfect” life here. God used this time to shift my perspective. I have my family here; we are closer to our extended family than we have been in years. That is what matters. The rest will fall into place in its own time… in His time.

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